Today, I am writing about losing a parent. Today is also December 7th, Pearl Harbor Day. President Franklin Roosevelt stated that this would be "a date which will live in infamy". Seventy-nine years ago, the Japanese sneak attack on Pearl Harbor killed 2,403 service members and civilians.
I wouldn't say that my father's death is "a date which will live in infamy", but rather "a date which will live in glory". A date that my dad left this earth to live in heaven. A date that he was healed and can now hear(he was 99% deaf) and his body is healed from the multiple myeloma.
I have lost two earthly fathers, my biological on August 5, 1995 and my step-father on November 10, 2020. My sister and I were both fortunate to have two dads. I guess God thought we needed two to get us through life.
My dad had been growing weak for many years. Within three years, he lost almost fifty pounds. Life was challenging for him for the past several years due to his lack of hearing. Even with hearing aids, it was a challenge. I know it was very difficult for him all these years not to hear the voices of the people that he loved. But he always had a smile and was always asking us "do I owe you any money?"
The last week of his life, I was fortunate to be able to care for him and to nurse him. I am not a nurse. I have never had any children to nurse. Here I was giving medicine to him to assist with the pain, anxiousness and confusion. God gave me the opportunity to show love to a man who took care of my mom and the two girls that she had when they met in 1959. They married three months later and a year and half later, she gave birth to my brother.
To nurse someone means that the patient must be able to trust you, as well as the caregiver must respect, be kind and compassionate to the person that you are caring for. There was a certain bond between my dad and I. One that can not be explained. I knew that he knew his time was not long for this world.
Until one has completely given themselves to caring for someone, one can not understand what it means to have that "warm fuzzy feeling". It is a feel good attitude. Glad that you could do it attitude. Everyone needs to experience that at least once in your life. Just by taking care of your child(ren); a family member or a friend.
I am blessed to be almost "67" and to have the opportunity to enjoy my mom and my dad . I have so many friends my age that have lost both of their parents. Is it hard to see them age? Yes, it is. But it is also a blessing to be able to take care of them as they have taken care of me.
I have now experienced the death of two fathers. My life will never be the same. But it is now up to me to carry the torch for the next generation of life and to celebrate each person's life. To remind people that this older generation has a lot to share and to give. Maybe they are older and can't move as fast or hear me as I speak, but they do have a purpose. A purpose in showing other people how to love and how to age.
As I look at myself, I know that I am in my last quarter of life. Does that depress me? If I thought about it all the time, it would. But I choose to give all that I have in this last quarter of life.
As I reflect on the past weeks, I am reminded of the kindness that family, friends, neighbors and just other people that I have interacted with have been so loving and kind. People do have a heart.
What do I want others to understand about losing a parent? It is hard. It doesn't matter what age you are or how long you have spent with a parent. I will give myself time to grieve. We all grieve differently and at different times. I will reminisce about my dad with mom, my sister and other family and friends. Everyone is placed in our lives for a reason. I will reflect on what I have learned. There are memories there. Keep them alive.
I will also remind myself of God's love. That all things are in his timing. Such as my father's death. Revelation 3:7 reminds us that God holds the keys to life.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4 says "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God".
When someone loses a parent or a spouse or a good friend, be a good listener. The truth is what can you say except "I am so sorry for your loss" or "I am very sad, please accept my condolences". I know that if you are quiet, you will give the person the opportunity to talk about their grief or maybe they just need someone to hug and to cry.
As I move forward, I will enjoy my mom and give her the support she needs during this time. I am thankful that I still have my mom. She means so much to me, my sister, my niece, my great-nephew and so many others. She has been the one to encourage us to do better, to step out and just do it! We will now give her the encouragement that she needs.
Death is the process of life. We are born and we die. How will we handle it?
I want to share some verses that have given me hope as I journey through this pain of loss.
Revelation 2:14 = "He will wipe every tear from their eyes..."
Psalm 34:18 = "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."
Psalm 46:10 = "He says, "Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
1 Peter 5:7 = "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."
Psalm 56:8 = "Record my misery; list my tears on your scroll--are they not in your record."
Psalm 34:18 = "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."
Psalm 46:1 = "God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble."
I could go on and on. God's words are so comforting to me. He is what gives me hope and a will to continue living when we do lose someone very dear to us.
My prayer is that you will be still and ask God to give you the strength that you need for a new day and a new beginning! Show others how you need to live life now!
